I got to talk to my dad today. It was a nice conversation for the most part. For an update here my dad was really rough and abuse towards me for most of my childhood (the later part) and I have really resented him for a lot of the emotional abuse I've had to carry around with me my adult life as a result. When I was about 23 my parents got divorced so I don't have childhood divorce trauma at all here. About 4 months after my brother passed away my dad packed up and moved to Florida. That also upset me and it's been hard to forgive him for running away like that. But, he has been really supportive of my returning to school and calls me often to tell me that he is proud of me. He sends me goofy cards in the mail that he write extensive missives on and we sit around the house and laugh about it, but I've saved them all because whenever I'm down he seems to have something really meaningful to say in them.
Whew... so I'm talking to my dad today and he suddenly informs me that he asked his girlfriend to marry him last weekend and they are now engaged! Wow! For the record they have been together for a year and I have always known my dad is the type of man that really can't/shouldn't be single. He just needs someone there to be that 'wife' type of person for him. Without it he doesn't act his age at all and it is sometimes embarrassing when your father shows up to visit with a doo rag on his head and rocking the surfer dude look. I guess the only embarrassing part is having all my friends drooling over him and making comments that they thought he was my brother. Lol
Anyhow, the problem is that since I was an adult when my parents divorced I never really thought of it in terms of divorce. I didn't get bounced between two houses my dad was never responsible for child support on me so it never seemed that big a deal. Here is my dad's house and here is my mom's. My mom even kept her married name so it just wasn't that different for me. But, now that my dad is getting married I'm stumped. When they do tie the not should I introduce her to people as my 'step-mom'? or should I say 'my dad's wife' And now there is also the very real possibility that my dad views this has his 'start over' life. What about kids? He isn't THAT old. He just turned 46 this year... so wow... I could potentially have a sibling younger than my kids! A lot younger. But the kids thing is out there and not something to worry about. The thing I am wondering is are adult children from a previous marriage expected to refer to the new spouse as a step parent? Or is this reference only used if the second spouse had a hand in raising you?