When I was young I had a habit of climbing into my parent's bed. At the age of seven I got up in the middle of the night to do so and I ran into a wall knocking half of my teeth out! But, still the habit continued. I wasn't the only one of my siblings to do so and to be honest I don't really get how my parents so much as got the chance to conceive 6 children after me. The habit continued until I joined the Air Force. And then when I got out I moved back in with my folks and the habit continued... except this time it became something only done on weekend mornings. All Seven of us (and by that time my daughter as well) would walk into my parents room while they were still asleep and climb into the full sized bed with them. And that continued until they got divorced. Because even though I ended up moving out, ever weekend morning I'd get up early and get Clara ready and we would drive over to Grandma and Fafa's to join in the early morning bed climb. By that time it was no longer to sleep, it was just a time of family bonding... a time when we could crack jokes at each other's expense and no one got offended over it.
After my parents got divorced I encouraged my children to sleep in my bed with me. Especially when my ex was gone for weeks at a time. I never sleep well alone in a bed. Even now without anyone at my apartment. I wake up so sluggish and drive over to my boyfriend's and climb into bed with him to get my real rest in.
I thought I was the only one that came from a family with this practice so I kept it hush hush for years. Even having my little children in my bed made many people look at me like I was a weirdo and I didn't want to make them REALLY think something was wrong with me that I held onto the practice of climbing into bed with my parents well into being an adult.
Then I met my boyfriend. His family also had that practice. Even to this day during the middle of the day they have been known to take naps together. Sometimes his sister will drive half an hour just to climb into bed with their mom to take a nap... and she is a grandmother herself now. Over time I began to believe that it really isn't such a bad idea after all. It's not for everyone, but it can be comforting and a time of bonding.
So, now the question arises... what about blended families? Is it suddenly a bad idea if one of the 'parents' isn't biologically the child's parent? What about age cut offs. My boyfriend's son is going to be 12 in August and sometimes we will all climb into my boyfriend's bed together and just talk and joke and spend time together. Everyone is fully clothed and my boyfriend lays in the middle with one of us on either side of him. I personally don't see anything wrong with it and neither does my boyfriend. But, man does his mom raise a STINK when she catches it! Once I asked my boyfriend why she does that. And he said it's because she has an issue with him being so close to puberty being in the same bed as I. I guess in some way I can see her point. But, my point I also feel is valid. I think it's a good way for his son to feel connected to us and feel like we are really a family together now that my boyfriend and I know that we want to be in this relationship long term I think it's important that his son feel comfortable with this arrangement. Also, if it is treated like a 'dirty' thing for him to get close to me in any manner wouldn't that raise problems of 'the forbidden fruit'. If he is always told to stay away from me because he is approaching puberty won't that make him see me as 'fair game' when he has crossed into being interested in girls and stuff? I want him to feel comfortable talking to me, to listen if I ask him to do something for me. I don't want to worry about my boyfriend's son thinking of me as a sexual being. And I feel that this is what his grandma is making very sure happens.
Maybe she is jealous because she has been the 'mother' figure in this boy's life. But, her health is doing so poorly she has to see that the best arrangement would really be for her son and grandson to move on and be ready to have a family outside of her if the need arises. For the time being her wishes kind of have to be respected because it is her house... but it is also my boyfriend's house legally as well so it would seem that because his son is HIS son he should also be making these kinds of choices as well.
I'm just curious to see if others have shared done the whole bed sharing this past childhood and also if others have had the experience of bed sharing in a blended family.
At the end of the day I think that a blended family is still a family and should be treated in much the same way as it would be if both parents were involved in the conception of the child after all isn't family what you make of it?